ahhhhhhhhhh. name generators. so much fun. when i saw this one i thought of my own brotherhood of sisters. quinn, dan and i. no straight men should bicker as much as these boys(q and dan) do, and poor little old me, always in the middle. (now that doesn't sound right). so without further ado. our ya-ya names:
kev:---------Queen Spring Frog
dan:--------Duchess PMS
quinn:----- Marchioness Never-Shuts-Up
come on. how dead on are those names? it's scary really.
i wish this was about a certain britney spear's movie, but alas, it's not. it's about a phrase in your life when you have no idea what is around the corner and that your next step might decide your entire future. i've been at a crossroad for quite awhile, the last year and a half really, and i'm not overly concerned about it. i am a naturely flighty person. someone who likes to live by the seat of his pants. structure has never been high on my list of priorities. while this will most likely doom me to a serious mid-life crisis, i have more important things to worry about. like why can't the mets score more runs? why does my cat freak out and break stuff at exactly six a.m every damn morning? why doesn't everyone i care about live in college point? there is plenty of room in my basement and i love having people over.......i guess what they say about me is true. i'm unmotivated. i have no direction. i wet my bed.....wait. forget that one. life is short. i refuse to get bent out of shape by what if's and why not's. life is what happens when you are living......or something to that effect. i've seemed to have lost all my hallmark cards, so enought cliches.
but these last few months and especially the last two weeks have thrown me for a curve. for once in my life i am scaried about how the future will turn out. the questions of life have turned from gentle crickets to blaring bells shaking me from sleep. deep down i know that everything will be okay as long as i have my health, family, friends, sanity and lots of alcohol, but for the first time, outside factors truly effect what i'm feeling. how life will be. tick tock tick tock. i'll be twenty-four in a few short months. i can control the way my life is being lead, but i have no say in anything else. the what if's and why not's are getting so loud that they are overtaking my cavilier attitude.
what reassures me to some extent....... is most, if not all of my close friends are going though pretty much the same issues. what path should i take? should i take this job or go back to school? should i move out of my parents? should i move back to new york or to oakland or to the moon? maybe i should stop smoking so much pot? maybe i should smoke more? .........some peeps i know call this a 1/4 life crisis, which i really don't agree with because c'mon....how many of us are gonna live to one hundred. hopefully everyone that took the time to read this meandering rant! awwwwwwwwww. sorry. this topic get me all sorts of mushy- mush.
is this a bi-monthly kinda thing for me? no. i'm just still getting used to this blog stuff. i mean what is the purpose of this site? i consider it a place to put my own musings and thoughts, but i'm also a highly personal person who isn't comfitable with the whole world have excess into my inner workings. which doesn't mean that i won't write anything profound on this site. it's just a balancing act which i have yet to master. sooooooooo as you can tell, my thoughts lately have become absorbed with issues that i have dubbed "non-blog" material. but please don't fret. i'm not avoiding these thoughts, just keeping my writing on them in a different space. notebook next to the bed. old reliable. i'm honestly amazed at how some of my friends can be so brazen with their sites. maybe someday.
as for the blog material. let me first tell you that i am under the weather at this present moment. i haven't left my house all day, which i find absolutely disgusting. i wish i could but......well let's just say i need to stay around my bathroom. i think the fever broke a couple of hours ago, so i should be aight!
what mp3's i'm listening to: neutral milk hotel, idaho and belle and sebastian.
as for belle and sebastian. i went down to d.c to see them last wednesday (and to visit my friend john barry. JOBA!) with quinn and lauren. -----------side note ----> big shout outs to law and miko. i'm very proud of both of you. as for your taste in men, well you should both have your heads examined.---------the venue was constitution hall. very posh, i mean the chair i set in belonged in a museum. the show was amazing. the band consisted of as many as fourteen members, with the two main songwriters (stuart and steve) handling a majority of the crowd bantering. and speaking of the crowd, wow! words can't explain how white bread and dorky these peeps were. ahhhhhh my people! the songs were mostly classics and they were played with some mighty gusto. i was bee- bopping in my seat all night long. the show ended rather abruptly without the second encore that i was expecting (take me away from here, i'm dying). i hear it was because the powers that be had a time limit. oh well. excellent show anyhow. well worth the long hours of driving (okay, all i did was sleep in the backseat, but i had to listen to like ten hours of neil diamond and there are limits to that sort of stuff). we got back to ny around four and i was in bed by five because the next morning was all about star wars.
while i am not a big star wars fan (i don't buy the toys, read the books, and/or discuss the aspects of the force......well not that much) like some of my friends. i did grow up during the eighties, loved the trilogy and despised menace. my oldest friend joey d. (meaning i've known him the longest, not that he belongs in a retirement home) got tickets to the zeigfeld and we waited in line with all the other freaks for the noon showing. what did i think of the flick? i'm not sure yet. it was entertaining. tons better than menace, but it has some serious flaws as well. the script is horrid. i can guarantee that such lines as "i don't like sand" and "i die a little each day" will be long remembered as some of the most unintentionally funny moments on film (oh wait, my bad. lucas is an evil fuck who doesn't use film. it's all digitial for him. why? because he's an asshole!) sorry, i have issues with george. as do many fellow geeks. fear us lucas!!! still there was some cool fights...........that seemed really rushed. i won't ruin it for those who have yet to see it, but the pacing of the entire flick is quite off. the sound and sights are amazing, but that's what i've come to expect. they need to pay more attention to characters (biting my lip........will not say that fool's name.........sounds like tar tar), writing and acting. oh boy, what drugs were the cast on? where can i get my hands on some of that shit. they all seemed wayyyyy out of it. catch it if your a fan of sci fi, but don't expect that much.
welll that kinda covers it till thursday. i'm kinda zoning out. so i'll handle the rest tomorrow. but then again, that's what i always say.
eck! it's been over a week since i last posted. my bad. i wish i could say that's it been a busy week at work that lead to my regression from blogging, but nyet, i'm just a slacker.
so as for that promised pedro review. last sunday was the t.w walsh, damien jurado and pedro the lion show. along for the ride for this sad bastard fest was my ummmmmm good friend miko. we both were expecting a massively depressing show, but were in actually completely rocked.
t.w. walsh came out first and performed a short set off of his latest album, blue laws. i'm a big fan of walsh's sound and wished he could have played a longer set, but i guess i'll just have to catch him the next time around. walsh's "old fashioned way of speaking" is a truly amazing song and well worth the price of admission (a lowly $12).
"Old fashioned way of speaking, all the pipes are leaking if you notice it. This dent is now a crater, it's not even any later than I think it is. A fortune worth repeating, all this cowardice is fleeting if you fall for it. I saw orange turn to brown. The transformation made a sound, you might have heard it before. If it was permanent, the world would mean a whole lot less. To stay awake for it takes more steam than I have left. A traitor for a living, just got tired of the giving and the parliament. Enamored with the treason, that's not any kind of reason to go through with it. The car is overheating. The written word will lose it's meaning if you fall for it. There are motors in the ground. They make the most amazing sound, you might have heard it before."
after walsh, was damien jurado and the gathering storm. i was really surprised by damien's looks. the guy is big. think a really sullen looking frank black, then add fourty pounds. almost all of damien's songs deal with tragic relationships and i would suggest anyone in one to stay far away from his music because it is gut wrenching.......and quite catchy. i entered the show not really caring for his music and left with an new view.
and then pedro the lion came on stage and at first i was completely stunned by how much weight he had put on in the last year. i mean, i saw him less than ten months ago and the guy put on thirty pounds, easy. what's the deal with indie rockers getting fat? i hope this fad doesn't catch on, cuz if it does, i'm fucked! i was pleasently surprised with david's (lead singer/ guy who really does everything) choice of songs. he played every song off the new album and mixed in some from the one before that. this isn't what surprised me, it was the fact that he played them so heavy, as if they were standard "rock" songs. there were no whining, pleading or other emo tendencies. in the end, he played some slower songs that fit in perfect with the tone and sent us all out on our merry ways.
"merry ways" after a pedro show. damn! the times they are a changin'. and that isn't so bad. more insight in the morning. promise. hehehehe
what is sad bastard music? well it's good you asked that, cuz i'm a pro. sad bastared, or how it's better known as "that terrible stuff kev always listens to", is a pensive, moody, abrasive, haunting, deep, shallow, vague, intense kinda musicial flow. it could be made in any genre, except dance music. dance music is evil and mindless. that's it. the music can be secondary to the emotions (eck! did i just write e-m-o), the lyrics and the general "feel" of the piece.
so as you can tell i really have no idea what i'm typing about. it's all a state of mind. my sad bastard music makes me happy. it helps me deal with lifes various ups and downs. ear candy pop might make ya hum, but it just leaves ya hollow inside. sad bastard music will force you to stop what your doing and reflect on everything. be it life (death), girls (boys), joy (depression), work (idleness) and all the rest of what makes us tick.
i feel the rain fall
down my back
i'm going back
to my place of work
to get things done
to get them right
but i'll mess them up
and i always do
buried in words about you
this year, oh what a year
i layed around
just feeling down
and from our happy room
i watched the seasons as they flew
and then when christmas came
i layed my head to rest in chains
cause with my finished work
i turn my head back
still didn't work
and i put it to bed
you often swore to find me dead
too many times enough
to start again
to give it up
and then the morning came
til i felt day
til i'm awake
cause with my finished work
i turn my head back
still didn't work
i feel the rain fall
down my back
i'm going back
typedslowly 
Thursday, May 30, 2002