Most of the happiest memories I have as a youth are associated with the mets and their relic of a ballpark, Shea. Taking the Q 65 to the far end of College Point Blvd and walking across the Roosevelt Bridge. Shea is roughly two miles from my house. a nice walk for a young trim kid. I drive in now. That big blue ashtray didn’t always look so grungy, so old and lifeless. Back in the glorious eighties, with strawberry and his high leg kick followed by massive moon shots, with doc and his overpowering fastball, with mookie wilson and his beloved bounce, with tuffle and his shuffle, with ray knight and his back alley brawls, with gary the kid and his white man’s fro, with keith and drinking beers in the manager’s office….shea was a carnival then. Always jumping with excitement. 1985 and promise. 1986 and glory. Jumping up and down on my parent’s couch screaming “the mook. the mook. the mook is on fire. We don’t need no water, let that motherfucker burn. burn motherfucker. burn.” and my parents and brothers being to into the games to realize that a seven year old was cursing a blue streak. World Champions. Our New York Mets….god, I loved saying that…….well it’s 17 years later. I’m no longer seven years old and the Mets are no longer the best team in the world. They aren’t even the best team in town. That goes to the Brooklyn Cyclones. The only thing that has stayed the same is Mr. Met is still smiling, Jay Horawitz is still doing whatever he’s paid to do, planes still cruise over at dangerously low altitudes and Shea is still here. A little older, a lot less glamorous, but still home.
So over the last few months, espn.com has been reviewing all thirty stadiums in the big leagues. Shea was predictably low, but thankfully not in the bottom five. I thought the rating that it got was accurate, though my friend jeff disagrees. I’ve probably been to Shea well over a hundred times in my twenty years as a met fan. Here’s my two cents on it.
The ratings:
1. Seat Comfort: almost every seat has a great sightline for a ball game, but the hard plastic starts working on the tail bone after only a couple of innings. If you bring a seat cushion, you’ll be good for nine innings and then some. The one thing that is annoying about Shea’s seats is the lack of cup holders in the cheap seats. This kind of class bias is unethical and probably makes Mr. Met cry at night. (by the way, I’m kind of obsessed with Mr. Met so be prepared for many references of him) Points: 4
2. Quality of hot dogs: not horrible, but not very edible either. I’ve been know to eat one or two but only when I’m starving and covered in the goods. Fear the dogzilla. It’s a tremendous pain in the ass to deal with and makes your stomach feel like you’re just ingested hospital waste. 2
3. Quality/selection of other concession-stand fare: hmmmm. Slim pickens at best, especially when the season is over and twenty people show up to the ballpark. They have a pizza joint that’s from my hometown of College Point. Which as we all should know by now has the best pizza in Queens. Sadly this place is not one of the good ones in my town and the owner is, in my opinion, a complete tool. Standard fares available such as chicken fingers, fries, sausage and pepper sandwich, etc……when the joint is hopping there are many more options from Japanese, to Jamaican, to kosher and carvel. 3
4. Signature concession item: I know this sounds silly, but the only signature food item that I can think of at Shea is their waffle fries. Ya, fries are nothing special, but Shea is a blue-collar place and we like our fare simple. Besides I’ve been to many other ballparks and none of them have waffle fries that can compete with Shea’s. 3
5. Beer: Overpriced piss. They have always served overpriced piss (better known as bud) and they always will it seems, but I never had a problem with it until 9/11. that’s when Shea security started checking everyone that came into the stadium for terrorist type stuff. Which I’m all for, of course, but it also put a serious crimp in the ability to sneak beer in. back in the day I used to be able sneak in at least five tall boys while wearing cargo pants. Those days are over. Sometimes I’ll buy one beer, but that’s it. I refuse to plundered by bud…microbrews are also available. Red hook being one of them. To buy one of those you might have to bring your credit history. 1
6. Bathrooms: God lord, no way! I go before I get to the stadium and wait till I get home. Drinking no beer helps me hold the seal thankfully. Jackass should film a scene there since they are so foul. Watching Steve-o lick the floor would definitely have me ralphing up my lunch. 1
7. Scoreboard: nothing special here as well. It’s freakin’ huge which I guess is okay. Blocks the view of flushing and chop shops. The one thing that annoys me is the massive bud ad. I hate bud. They really need to replace that. All the stats that are needed are up there, but I wish it were a bit jazzier. Big and bland is no way to live, just ask any white nba center. 3
8. Quality of public address system: Okay, ya it’s loud, but it also plays some of the worst music I’ve ever heard. I’m not asking Shea’s DJ to spin some Yo La Tengo (which is a baseball reference for all you Spanish speakers), but less mob hits and classic rock. Please!! 2
9. Fun stuff to do besides the game: Well there’s laugh at the silly guido, followed by snicker at the drunks, proceeded by marveling at all of Mr. Mets glory. So really there isn’t much to do at Shea but watch the game, but you are at a ball game, so watch the friggin’ thing and be happy….oh ya! I forgot heckling the other team and cheering when the yanks lose a game. 2
10. Price/selection of baseball souvenirs: My friend tom works at one of the mets’ souvenir stands during the season, so I usually hang around gawking the items while chatting with him. Most of its pure crap, but you can find an occasion diamond in the rough. Like one of those cool mini met bats or Mr. Met bobble head. 3
11. Ticket price/availability: Damn the wilpons and their sliding scale of pricing for tickets. The mets are the second most expensive ticket in all of baseball and I’ll be honest, they absolutely blow this year. Where are the price cuts? Huh Fred? Where are they?….I haven’t bought a single ticket all this year. Been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of many unwanted tickets. Until the tickets get down to reality prices, I’ll continue to shun the box office. 1
12. Exterior architecture: the exterior of Shea is all about how you view it. at night, it’s alright. During the day, pig vomit. This place looks old, old, old. And the surrounding neighborhood doesn’t help out in the least bit. Jackson heights is scary. The seven train, the tennis stadium and crackhead hobo-ville cut you off from the park (and the lovely Kevin smith golf course, which will be a topic for another post). Across from the parking lots is nothing but filthy chop shops, which stay in business by the grace of god, or is it the stuffing of politicians’ pockets? And don’t even get me started with flushing bay…all that being said; during the night with the neon signs all lit up, Shea looks kind of funky. In a good way. 3
13. Interior Architecture: Cookie cutter, 60’s style stadium. Loads of ramps and concrete. The one positive that the mets did was put in mosaics of glory years which is nice to look at when roger cedeno makes an error or steve traschel has a runner on base. Can’t forget the big hat in centerfield that pops out an apple when a homer is hit. It’s tacky and ugly as sin, but it’s ours. 2
14. Access: easy as pie. You can walk, take the seven, the L.I.R.R, or countless buses. If you are driving then you have you’re choice of the grand central or van wick, but parking is expensive ($10). 4
15. Ushers: when they are sober, they’re just the greatest people in the world. But put a few drinks in them and it’s run for the hills…..oh wait! This is for ushers. I thought it said uncles…Shea’s ushers are just like I like them. retired guys with a love for america’s game. Plus they leave ya alone. 4
16. Trading-up factor: The field box section is guarded by leftovers from hitler’s youth brigades. Serious assholes. The rest of the park is fair game. 2
17. Knowledge of local fans: to quote from the espn.com review “I was born a Mets fan, so it's an effort to try to be objective. Here goes: The Mets have the best, smartest fans in baseball.” I couldn’t agree more. We’re the greatest. The bee’s knees, the cat’s meow if you will. 5
18. Seventh-inning stretch: A blah rendition of God Bless America and then Mr. Met doing some dancing. Again nothing very special but Mr. Met saves it from being worthless. Isn’t he dreamy? 2
19. Pre-and-post game bar-and-restaurant scene: are you kidding me? Nothing. Nada. No dice…..if you want to pre/ post game it, then I suggest hoping on the seven and going into the city, hoping in a car and going to bayside or just walking to my house. say hi to my cat, mookie wilson. 2
20. Wild card: it’s a big ol’ blue oasis for legions of queens kid. A home to our winter longings, our spring dreams, our summer joy and our autumn splendor. Sure, 90% of the other ballparks are prettier, classier and better designed, but Shea has character. And isn’t that important? Besides where else can you see a man walk around with a giant imitation baseball on his noggin’? one of these days, Shea will be knocked down for a new baseball only beauty and people will rejoice. No more giant blue ashtray, no more filthy bathrooms and cold chicken fingers. Say hello to cup holders galore and paddled seats….I’ll be one of the first people in the new stadium, but I’m sure I’ll also be one of the last out of Shea. 5
typedslowly 
Friday, September 05, 2003